#CNN & @Mashable: #Bloomberg jealousy leads to acquisition #SocialMedia #PotatoHead
So Peter "Mr PotatoHead" Cashmore did it!! Congratulations!! Mashed Potato is finally on the menu at CNN....but it was written in the stars ever since he was interviewed live, while doing a poo on the loo. (Video below if you don't believe us....turn your speakers up to hear the plop).
The lovely Margaret Brennan of Bloomberg fell in love with Pete during the interview, but wasn't that impressed with his "bubbling up" and fell out of love just as quickly. So....in the words of Spandau Ballet, to cut a long story short Pete decided to sell out to CNN and make Maggie regret her fickle emotional decision making.
Both Pete and Margaret were unavailble for comment, but a spokesperson for Mashed Potato did reveal Pete still has very regular movements.
Time to shove #SocialMedia where the sun doesn't shine.
When the locals at the Dog & Duck start making fun of my "guru" status over a pint of Parson's Plums, and Dolly the barmaid is posting flirty pics on Facebook, whilst DM'ing Ashley Cole to see if she can get a picture of his todger, it means "Social Media" is dead.
In fact, social media has put an end to all that fun we used to have; getting a flat "no" or "you must be joking" or even a slap in the face when being refused a slow dance in the erection section at 1:45am in the disco. That last chance saloon no longer exists, because people are too busy virtually poking each other. [Positive: Disease Free]. "Social Media" is now a way of life and I pity all those young people who have not been able to strike up a conversation face to face, or even had the inter-personal skills to say "hello" to the person next to them.
This Preposterous post will go out on Twitface, you can share it on LockedIn with all the job hunters, even on Giggle Piss with all the spotty SEO types, who eat too much greasy food. People may continue to check out each other's fourskin, or take pictures of their grandma's (Posessive or plural? You decide).
As for me, the only Pintrest I'm now interested in is the bar, and I don't need five spotty youth's playing me music, I'll put my hard earned cash into the jukebox thank you....and I'll play as much Barry Manilow as I like!! The only Mashed Potato I'll be consuming is the good old English wholesome food, stuffed with bangers; not some crazy blog "written" by a handsome skinhead who takes a dump on live TV.
I'm going start talking to people again, getting in touch with the real community around me, and who knows....one day I may get myself a girlfriend.
If only we had #SocialMedia in the 1970's...
If, like me, you grew up in the 1970's, you will be mentally scarred. Having to wash behind your ears with carbolic soap, have a crap haircut, wear national health spec's, watch enviously as the other boys rode around on their Choppers and having to wear trousers with so many buttons on, you used to wet yourself. How times haven't changed.
There was no International Network of computers [info: now called the "Internet"] it was typewriters, memo's and postcards. If you were posh, you had a phone, with a number like "Macclesfield 284" and could use it to call other posh people and say things like "I'm speaking to you on my telephone".
Unfortunately, I wasn't posh, but I did have a second hand telly (I say "I" but it was from Radio Rentals and "uncle" Jimmy paid for it). I used to escape to a different world, and through the magic of YouTube, I can now escape once more.
Below is a selection of programmes I used to watch and it just goes to show how open minded we were way back then. If we had Twitter, we'd no doubt be discussing how great these shows were...or other such things.
And this always made me laugh...how funny it was. I grew up in a working men's club. Ironic name that.
What is the cat doing? And mummy was "talking" to the milkman.
And finally there was Pan's People. I never found out who Pan was, but I can remember wanting, so very much, to meet his people.
Happy times.
And just for Gary [comment below] here is an epic performance from Paul "Hi de Hi" Shane on Pebble Mill at One. There is just so much about this performance that is right....too much to comment on. Just sit back and watch in awe. This is what telly should be about.
#SocialMedia Love at first sight: @PeteCashmore & @MargBrennan
When Margaret Brennan of Bloomberg interviewed Pete Cashmore, of Mashed Potato, on the toilet, it was love at first. This video shows the chemistry and fireworks...but also how the chemistry turned into a bit of a smelly experiment.
#LikeMinds Conference: I like your mind...it's a bit like mine.
Location: It's in the middle of bleeding nowhere!
Excerpt from last year: An informative talk by Bilbo Baggage
The Facilities: Conversation is encouraged at all times
NB: The very sad news of Trey Pennington's passing has affected many. We had several online conversations with him (some would even call it "banter"); he had a great sense of humour and believe he would have appreciated a post such as this. Our condolences go out to his family and friends. A memorium fund has been set up on behalf of Trey to help raise money for The Samaritans.
#Google+ Banning Benny & Tommy: Have they gone too far?
Have Google+ gone too far? Yes!! On a number of fronts, but that is beside the point. Their recent "banning" of profiles, due to what they perceive as being "unauthentic" included myself Tommy Twanker, Social Media Guru. This is a slight on the "Twanker" name and my ancestors would be turnng in their graves, if they ever existed. This reminds me of my conversations with the Quora police, when they forced me to become a rapper! [True Story]
Well, it has become apparent that the name "Benny" is not allowed either. Miss Diane contacted me when I was having a cup of tea with Meg and Sandy at The Crossroads Motel in Birmingham. (Now there are a couple of posh Brummies). She was appalled that Benny Hat was not on Google+. Then, to make matters much worse, Benny Crime (@BennyCrime) contacted me on Twitface to inform me he'd also been banned. You can see the reactions of both Bennies below.
In fact, Benny Crime was so incensed, he took to the streets of London to ask real people, with proper words and stuff to gauge their reactions. As you will see in his video, the people of London are appalled and you can feel their anger.
If you've been a victim of being banned from Google+ we want to hear from you....especially if your name is Benny or Tommy.
Barry Plague of Google was unavailable for comment.
#NeedaPee? You need Bog Finder. @TwankersUK Best App on #iTunes
If, like me, you regularly pop down to London Town to see the ladies, you'll no doubt have had many similar experiences as myself. No! I don't mean the constant re-buffle which makes you feel ugly inside and slightly worthless, I mean getting caught short in-between the various watering holes.
As we all know, after a few sherberts, having broken the seal (had your first tinkle of the evening) you are now in the zone of needing a piddle every 15 minutes or so. (#interestingfact: you wee more than you drink, when on the lash.) There has been far too many a time when a decent evening has come to a shattering end because I've been caught short with no place to go, other than to continue casually walking (home) whilst inadvertently and spontaneously washing my trousers and have a pungent steam rise up from my nether regions.
But those days are now over, thanks to a fantastic new app called "Bog Finder". Very simple it is, and I wish I'd thought of it myself. With a simple mash up with Google Maps it plots your location and shows where the nearest facilities are; shows you the quickest route of how to get there, with an estimated time of arrival based upon walking, dad or mum jogging and running. It even has a gamification element built in, and we are now starting to see people owning the "Throne" in each public convenience.
They are also setting up "bots" (Oooh Matron!) on Twitface which will tweet back the nearest loo to you should you have shared your location and entered the hash tags #NeedaPee or #NeedaPoo.
It is, quite frankly, the best app I have ever used, and it has saved my underpants, trousers and dignity a number of times now. Install Bog Finder and drink the evening away with confidence.
It costs: Foo Call...honest!!
This is not a con! See for yourself, this fantastic offer as advertised through iAds on Twitface for the iPhone (a bit like an iPad, but smaller).
Why is #Google asking me to say "bug-ger"?
